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Davin Jake Douma

April 13, 2012

Davin Jake Douma

October 1967-January 2012

From → Uncategorized

8 Comments
  1. Traci Crawford permalink

    What a great thing you are doing, Bonnie. I am so proud to be Davin’s cousin, and equally proud to be your niece. I miss Davin deeply.

    Love, Traci

    • Thank you Traci. We are just getting started with this web site. It will get better and a lot more of Davins essays, and stories will be added.

      Love,
      Bonnie

      • traci730 permalink

        I can hardly wait. I am so looking forward to reading his published items, or just knowing how to access them. I have such a bad memory as a result of all my treatments that I don’t remember Davin ever telling me he had ever been published. I haven’t managed to read all of his reform proposal because he was much more intelligent than I, so I have to go through it very slowly to be sure I’m taking it all in! He was such an amazing person, Bonnie. I hope you have great success with this website and carrying out these wonderful plans and dreams that he had set out to accomplish.

        Love, Traci

  2. Holly permalink

    Is he sorry he did what he did?

    • I will reply to your question about Davin being sorry for what he did in his own words Holly.

      “I think we all have problems with our childhood in one way or another. You and I definitely were not the Cleavers growing up. But the Cleavers are pretty boring morons. I don’t have many regrets from that period of my life. I was a little kid, what did I know. There are things that I wish I had done differently, but such wishing is meaningless. From five to twelve I was a kid with a typical view of the world around me. I was as lost as most twelve year olds and that is just the way it was. I have some nostalgia for the seventies of my youth. That was my age of innocence, in a strange way. From twelve to sixteen my life was surreal, one bad event after another, many of my own making. Those are supposed to be the years where you begin to form a personal perception, an identity separate from those around you. My trek through that period was skewed and distorted into some strange paths. Young teenagers are emotional scarecrows. Their bodies are changing, their brain chemistry is evolving, and the real world is a foreign and inhospitable place. These years are shared by everyone, but some of us end up don’t make it through. My adolescence was suspended in this period for a long time. I don’t look back at that time and see myself as unhappy, just simply lost. Unhappy would denote some kind of normal emotional response. I didn’t have any normal emotional responses. I was a dark nihilist and didn’t know it.

      I would say that most of my years have been good ones. I have not liked my circumstances, but I am pleased with the way I have evolved as a person. I view myself as having been someone who both received and caused a lot of damage. Damage in the mental, emotional, and physical aspects of living. It has taken me a long time to separate the circumstances of my life from the personal results I have sought. Since I was a little kid I have been at odds with myself. I felt under siege until only recently.

      Since my health took a turn for the worse last year I have been doing a lot of thinking about who I am and what I have accomplished with my efforts in life. I am not one of those people who claims to have no regrets. My life is full of regrets, but I don’t necessarily see that as a bad thing. We learn best from the failures in our lives. Failure best illuminates the chain of events that culminates in personal downfall. There are of course some failures I would like to remove from the slate of my past, but that is not possible. Instead I have had to find ways to live with them, or not live with them as the case may be.

      I spent a lot of years exploring the idea of redemption. Not redemption in the spiritual sense, I don’t believe in such things. I do believe in personal redemption, even though I have never achieved it. Personal redemption is when you come to terms with and acceptance of the past. I have never forgiven myself for killing Ledford all those years ago. It wasn’t simply wrong and illegal, it was also a betrayal of myself. And there are some betrayals that there is simply no coming back from. Forgiveness does not come from the dead and the living can not supply it. I hope this view does not sound harsh. I don’t mean it to come across that way. I’m actually very pragmatic about these kinds of things. We all have out debts and burdens. That is part of the adventure we call life.”

      by Davin Douma

    • Holly were you able to see my reply to you on the site?

      Regards,

      Bonnie Hall

  3. When did he write this, Bonnie? It breaks my heart.

    • Dear Traci the reply to Holly was parts of three letters he wrote to James in 2010 and 2011. I have neglected this site for some time because of the book about his life. I have completed the manuscript and am working on the re-writes. I will be posting wore of his letters and essays soon.

      Love,
      Bonnie

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